Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
