I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
