She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
