I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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