Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
