no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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