I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
