Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
