Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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