that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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