i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
