I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
