mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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