Are we in a gay sports bar?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
