The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
