Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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