if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
