Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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