He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just invented taco cereal.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
