dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
