Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
