don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
