I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
