I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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