Nicole vs. Life
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
