remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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