Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
