I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I need to calm my uterus...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
