The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
