I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
