i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
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