Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
