I am puke
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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