That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
