Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
me + whiskey = a bad person
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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