you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
