Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
