While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
