Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
