He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
