the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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