Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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