So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
