I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
