so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
