every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
