Small penises have feelings too.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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