How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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