Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
