Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I had to cum in my sink.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize