I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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