He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
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