Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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