shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I intend to get homeless drunk
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
