I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
