You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
