Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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