We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
