Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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