is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
