it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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