oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
