so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
