the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
