Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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