We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
