Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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