how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
