So drunk its hurt
my shit smells like andre
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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