Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
